Untitled in B

This one was posted over at my food blog, Blind Tastes, but I liked it and wanted to post it here since this site gets far more action from readers...


She was an elusive one, always busy when I spontaneously popped into the neighborhood.  A real Miss Popular type and although I had grown tired of competing for her attention on previous attempts to meet her, I was willing to give it one last shot.  Besides, my friends thought she was sexy as hell.

I planned to meet her at the bar.  A friend of hers told me that the game would be on there so it was a perfect scenario for me.  I watched as she moved around the bar, each patron sizing her up and dreaming about their favorite ways to dress her.  She is hot after all.  Most people get caught up in her her appearance and dress but not me.  I like her with as little makeup as possible with plenty of exposed flesh and minimal accessories, though sometimes I like when she gets all dolled up in something sexy.  I motioned to the bartender who sidled up and asked how he could assist me.  Some intimate quality time with her was all I needed.  It had been a long day and I was drained.  She would help me find my inner peace again.

I sipped a bottle of suds to take the edge off while I waited for my chance to romance her.  When one didn't cut it I popped a second while peeking at the game on TV, still waiting, growing more hungry to be with her.  It was then that I saw her floating gracefully across the bar.  She was advancing towards me, her chest slightly exposed to give everyone a view at what they would be missing while she was with me.  To top it off, she was wearing one of those sexy signature outfits - a silky scarf of American cheese covered the prime angus flesh left exposed by her open sesame top, bacon dangling across her chest, with a bourbon bbq sauce by her side.  I had heard that she called this outfit, "Thunder Road", and it was apparent that she came to bring the thunder.

With her now in front of me, I wasted no time on foreplay and chose to ignore her skinny fries.  Instead, we just went at it.  Right there.  At the bar.  In front of everybody.  She squealed with pleasure as I devoured her, each bite into her flesh releasing her seasoned juices, sending them dripping down my chin.  Her bacon was a perfect balance of crisp and chew, making me lust for her even more while the bourbon bbq sauce kept things sensually sweet.  At one point she submitted herself to a sprinkling of Tabasco, letting me know she was there to please.  And damn did she wear it well.  She shuddered as I finished her off, leaving nothing but a trail of bbq sauce dripping over her exhausted skinny fries.

Our passionate affair ended almost as quickly as it had began.  A wink of a last bite of her sesame buns and she was gone.  I tossed the bartender a fifty and told him to keep the change.  She had been worth waiting for.  I grabbed my beer, took a final swig, and then headed for the door.  I'm not sure when I'll have the chance to see her again, or if she'll even be available, but I know that there will be a "next time"...


Many, many more.






The Thunder Road burger can found at:
Burger & Beer Joint
1766 Bay Rd
Miami Beach, FL 33139-1414
(305) 672-3287

7 Meals in 7 Nights: Wednesday - Jaguar, Coconut Grove

I woke up Wednesday morning still feeling full from the final round of the Pizza Crawl and wondering if Id even be able to eat anything all day. I tallied 8 slices consumed by me the night before (4 full slices at Fratelli la Buffala and 8 half slices at Casale), not to mention about 4 beers and then a few bourbons afterwards. That's a lot of 'za.

After another long day at work and only eating a cup of soup for lunch, I headed home with the intention of giving up my quest for 7 meals in 7 nights. I was just too full and it was clouding my brain and preventing me from figuring out where I would eat that night. Just as I got on 95, my friend/neighbor gave me a buzz. I hadn't seen her in awhile so when she said, "I'm running some errands then wanted to see if you wanted to meet up at Jaguar later?", I was happy to oblige. The quest was back on!

I eat at Jaguar a lot. To me, its the best spot in the Grove for good food on a consistent basis. I have a few options that I order depending on my mood. If I'm really hungry, I get the ceviche spoon sampler (2 nuevo, 2 black market, 2 oriental is the way to go) and then follow up with the Shrimp Casserole*. If I'm in a simple mood, I go with the burger which comes topped with chorizo for a nice hearty touch. The Mexican Lasagna has also been on my radar but I haven't taken the plunge yet. If I want a light meal, I go with the ceviche sampler on its own or I start with the ceviche sampler and then move on to a 1/2 Caesar salad with chicken. The Caesar at Jaguar is one of the best Ive ever had as they use just the right amount of creamy Caesar dressing and the lettuce is always crisp. The 1/2 portion option with chicken is a steal at $8 too.

Being that I was still full from the night before, I just went with the ceviche sampler and a Woodford Reserve on the rocks. They serve up some great chips and spicy salsa while you wait for your meal, so I really didn't need more than the ceviche. If you go to Jaguar, be sure to ask for the "Salsa de la Muerte" or "Death Sauce". Its very spicy but it tastes awesome with the chips or you can kick up your ceviche with a few drops. Trust me, you'll have a sweat going in no time. The Oriental ceviche pairs tuna, ginger, avocado, lime, sesame, jalapeno, and cilantro and is usually the first spoon I eat. The Nuevo comes with choice of shrimp or calamari, aji amarillo, ginger, soy, and lime. I like the texture of the calamari best with this spoon so that's how I always order it. The Black Market has white fish, shrimp, calamari, aji amarillo sauce, and corn. I think my favorite is the Nuevo overall though the Black Market is a pretty close 2nd.

I really like the dining space at Jaguar. They have a nice, long bar with plenty of stools along with about 4 leaf-shaped hightops and 2 lowtops. There is also a little seating area just past the bar where many sit for their "Thirsty Thursday" wine tastings. The wine tastings are from 7p - 830p and offer samples of 6 different wines plus steak/chicken skewers and assorted ceviche spoons for $15 plus tax/tip. Its a pretty good deal and a good way to meet people too. The only negative I noticed on the few nights Ive participated is how selfish people in Miami can be. Only a certain amount of skewers and spoons were coming out and rather than take one so everyone had a chance to eat, people were loading up like inconsiderate pigs. Last time I went was over 6 months ago so hopefully things have changed by now. The main dining area has plenty of tables and I also really like the high ceilings. Jaguar has a nice vibe, really mellow, non-intrusive music, and an effective layout for groups or dining solo.

With my 3rd meal in 3 nights under my belt, I headed home to enjoy a few more bourbons outside in my courtyard, strum the guitar, and catch up on some blog reading. Before long it was time for bed and I was already getting excited for my meal at Naomi's Grill in Sunday Isles. Stay tuned for more on that...

*The Shrimp Casserole offers 4 shrimp with aji amarillo and 4 with salsa negra along with white rice. This replaced my favorite dish on the menu and also what I considered the best offering on the menu: the Shrimp Trio. Shrimp Trio had 3 grilled blackened shrimp with salsa negra, 3 fried shrimp with a sweet mango(not sure if Im remembering this sauce correctly) sauce, and 3 sauteed shrimp with an aji amarillo sauce plus the rice in the middle. Id eat all 3 groups and then mix up all the sauce with the rice. It was awesome and it hurt me to see it go. I havent tried the Shrimp Casserole yet mostly because nothing will ever replace my Shrimp Trio... :(

Out and About for 7 Meals in 7 Nights

Last week, I noticed early on that my motivation for cooking anything was way low. Epically low, as in no-way-do-I-feel-like-cooking-eating-cleaning-even-once-this-week-finances-be-damned low. I had just gotten off of back to back trips out of town, the first being a week in Vegas for work and the second being a long weekend up in Rockport, MA sitting on the beach. Both trips came with an 18 hour stint in Miami between them. Gotta love workin those airline miles... I also had already had such a great time on both trips that I wanted to keep the good times rollin and that meant no toiling away at home. With a few planned events for that week on the horizon, I decided that I was going to eat out every night, Monday thru Sunday, and thats exactly what I did.

Im going to do posts on each experience on their own but here is a rundown of my week:

Monday - The Taurus, Coconut Grove
Tuesday - Pizza Crawl - Round 4, Fratelli la Buffala & Casale, Miami Beach
Wednesday - Jaguar, Coconut Grove
Thursday - Calafate Grill & Naomi's Grill, Sunny Isles
Friday - Casale (AGAIN!), Miami Beach
Saturday - Palm Beach Grill, West Palm Beach
Sunday - The Breakers (lunch), West Palm Beach; Hakkasan (dinner), Miami Beach

Up next: The Taurus, Coconut Grove

Bourbon & Blues @ Bourbon Steak

This past Wednesday, I headed up to Aventura to check out Bourbon Steak's "Bourbon & Blues" night where they offer 25% off all bourbons, 1/2 price on select cocktails, live blues, and a new bar menu that offers small bites and custom burgers. For a guy like me, anything involving discounted bourbon and live blues is a huge winner but the burger did a good job of adding to the good time.

After sipping a few bourbons and listening to some kickass country style blues from the "Nouveaux Honkies", I decided that I would give their new burger menu a shot. For anywhere from about $12-$18 you have your choice of beef, lamb, falafel, turkey, and/or salmon as the base of your burger. Bacon is an additional $3 and seared foie gras is an additional $18. A fried egg is an additional $2 but, hey, its organic...

Once youre done selecting the base flavor, you are allowed to select up to 6 items to add to the burger from the following catagories: cheese, veggies, greens, and sauces. I went with the beef burger ($14) with bacon ($3), bourbon caramelized onions, pepper jack cheese, shaved jalapenos, mesclun greens, and the "special sauce" that had been recommended to me. The result was a pretty kickass burger with lots of flavor. The combo of the shaved jalapenos and the special sauce was awesome and probably made the burger for me. I loved the crunch of the jalapenos and their heat combined with the flavors of the special sauce. The onions were a nice complement too. The only buzzkill was that they forgot my bacon... The bartender gave me a side and didnt charge me the $3 but it kinda sucked because I ate the bacon AFTER the already killer burger. With bacon added to each bite, Id have been in burger Xanadu. The only complaint outside of the bacon incident would be the bun. Restaurants need to realize that the bun is a key part of the burger and a weak bun base can cause much discomfort. In this case, the bottom of the bun was super hot and kinda moist. Being trained in burger CPR, I knew to flip the burger onto its thicker top bun to let the bottom cool and salvage it. I didnt like having to do that but Ive become accustomed to it.

I also chose to add a trio of duck fat fries to my burger just because it seemed like the right thing to do. It kinda sucked that it was an extra $5 to do so, but hey, youre in Aventura. Gotta pay the tax... The fries were pretty frickin good though. My favorite was the garlic fries paired with onion sauce. The fries paired with the spicy ketchup were a close second. The paprika fries paired with bbq sauce didnt really do anything for me though.

The 3 different bourbons I sampled were all great brands but all overpriced. Then again, youre in Aventura and the prices werent that far off what you would see elsewhere. Add that to the burger and fries plus tax and tip and I was at about $70. I didnt feel bad about it though. Sure, there wasnt a sole in there within 20 years of my age, but I had a great time listening to the band, chatting with the bartenders, and chowing down on a pretty tasty burger paired with a nice bourbon selection. I hear that they have a different band that also plays there so I'll probably go back again on another Wednesday to check it out.