Thursday, November 8, 2007

Ramblings...

- I have sat by many a douchebag on many a flight and lately Ive been geting peppered with horrible flightmates who either have screaming babies (and do nothing to calm them) or they dont believe in deodorant. Another frustrating one when you just wanna relax and youre sitting next to the guy/gal who is really annoying and struggling to find things to talk about so they just start blurting random open-ended questions at you like, "So what do you think about (insert current issue here)?" Ultimately, you always want good flightmates, preferably attractive ones. Sitting next to an attractive person on an airplane just improves the experience that much more. Youre row is like a fantasy sports team. Ultimately, you want a good balance of attractive row-mates, but its almost impossible that youll go 2/2 in this category. So, you pray for that one stud traveler and hope that no one else sits in the row or that you don get stuck with a dud who ruins the whole damn thing. Because I fly a ton, I usually get to sit up front and board early, so watching people walk by is like the "row draft", only youre not the owner with the pick. Youre more like the MVP QB that has to play with said pick. You cringe when you see a big mama/papa walking down the aisle and then rejoice when you realize they, and their horrible odor, are definitely in the back of the plane as they pass you. Then there's the depression when the mom with baby sits anywhere within a 5 row radius, or the celebration when the cute girl in the business suit sits next to you and chats for a bit. On my flight yesterday, my fantasy seat draft went horrible, but I was able to make a HUGE free agent signing. I was stuck next to Sir Reeks Alot when the old couple in front of me decided to take their screaming baby to the back (I think it was making a lot of chocolate pudding) to be near the bathrooms. This cleared the way for me to make the ol' switcharoo and I ended up sitting next to a nice Columbian girl who was very well endowed. Killer trade!

- There has been some talk about a law that would fine people for wearing baggy pants that hang down past their ass and show their underwear. While I agree that this look is pretty ridiculous and I still cant figure out how they get their pants to stay on that way, I have to say that this law is absurd and violates freedom of expression. Some people in favor of the law are African Americans who feel that this style of dress creates a bad image for their race and they believe said image will improve if this law is passed. Rather than focusing on baggy pants, which mainly focuses on African American males, how about we have a law that fines girls, or better yet, manufacturers who make and market extremely short mini skirts, shorts, overly-exposing tops, etc, to young girls? It might cut down on girls being called "whores" and lead to less rapes. Just sayin...

- Its awesome to be a fan of Boston sports right now. The Sox won it all, the Pats are undefeated and making a bid for a perfect season, and the Celtics are looking pretty tough to beat with Pierce, KG, and Allen running the show. Not to mention the Sox resigned Schilling and are negotiating with Lowell for another contract, plus BC has made quite a run before losing their first game last week. Bruins dont look too bad either (which is a miracle in itself). Just another day in the greatest sports city in the world.

- Drove thru my first snowstorm of the year on Tuesday up in Buffalo, NY. Pretty cool. Cant say I miss the cold weather, but I definitely miss the snow and skiing. Ski trip planned for December in Vancouver, so I hope they get dumped on SOON!

- Speaking of Buffalo... I am amazed at the number of hot girls up there! I have some friends in Miami that are from Buffalo, so I was aware of them and some of their friends being hot, but damn! I didnt think there were that many good looking women in such a cold and boring place! Everywhere I went there were cute, if not hot, chicks. Makes a trip to Buffalo that much more enjoyable...

- I think I need to send out a heartfelt apology to the 20 or so passengers who were crammed inside the same little plane as me on a 45 minute flight from Buffalo to JFK. I had gone to Friday's for dinner the night before and their Jack Daniel's BBQ gave me the absolute worst gas Ive probably ever had (Ive probably said this 1000 times in my life, but this was the worst). Anyways, I couldnt bear holding another one in, so I let one silently escape, hoping it would be buried in my seat. Unfortunately, the seats were leather and the gas ricocheted off and seeped out into the air of the cabin. I pretended to be asleep while biting my lip to keep from cracking up and alerting everyone that I was the culprit, but I have to admit, this was a bad one that I almost couldnt even stand and it was my own. Sometimes I think they should send me over to Iraq and feed me BBQ and then use my ass during interrogations. I swear, after 15 minutes in a 3x3 room with me, any terrorist would gladly give up Bin Laden's location!

- Speaking of farting... Isnt it funny how you can always tolerate the smell of your own no matter how bad they are but if someone else farts the smell is unbearable? Why does this happen? These are things I need to know...

- Ok, getting away from toilet humor... This is my favorite time in Miami. The weather couldnt be more perfect. Warm during the day, cool at night. Itll be like this until mid-March and I love it. Time to break out the blazers!

Thats about all I have to offer right now. I needed a quick break from work and now I need to leave my office for a second cuz I just farted...just kidding! Hahaha!

4 comments:

Lindsey said...

This is the first blog that I feel compelled to comment :) First- i think the most annoying people on the plane are those who steal both armrests and screw the other 2 people in the row, they force me to play elbow tag with them and try and beat them to the armrest at every move. Second- Boston is right "now" a great sports city...but may i remind you that you are just in the height of your greatness so dont't rub it in too much before your time is up and the Pats go back to being 1-16. Second, I am SO happy that you wrote nice things about Buffalo :) Being one of the "hot Buffalo chicks" i just want to point out that you called it a "boring" place when you were ohnly there for 1 night. Tampa is more boring than Buffalo...Niagara Falls, 4 Casinos, Chippewa, Clifton Hill, the Elmwood strip, Thursday's in the Square... don't judge what you don't know :) Third- I want to just say your fart question is a great thing to ponder because I have smelled your farts and i can remember a few times I had to vacate your apartment due to the rancid stench that was your ass...needless to say you stayed and basked in your glory.

Blind Mind said...

LOL! Thanks Linds! About Boston being the greatest sports city in the world... It was this way long before the recent success. We fans have packed the house eyar after year to watch many a team fall short (Sox, '96 Pats, '01-02 Celts) or just be craptastic at best ('86-95, '98-'00 Pats, '87-'07 Celts, Bruins). The teams have been bad, but the fans have always been there. Now we're finally getting our just desserts and they are sweeeeeet! The reason I say Buffalo is boring is because the weather is crappy. You dont have a beach and its cold most of the time. I imagine a true B-lo person like you could make it fun, but on the surface, I say bor-ing. :/

Lindsey said...

haha well may i remind you that Bills games SELL OUT every game every year and we have NEVER won shit haha....same with Sabres... and YES we have beaches (yes they are man made and yes they are Lake Erie but in the summer they are PACKED with Buffalo "hot chicks" and minimum 30 boats docked in the water) Look up Micky Rats, Sunset Bay, and Sherkston where you can even drive your car onto the beach like in Daytona....mind you these areas are laced with bars and booze in true Buffalo fasion!

Genius of Despair said...

I once sat next to a guy flossing. Ick.

And -- you know those shields they put around dogs so they can't bite their stitches...well I sat next to a kid wearing one of those and he was thrashing about with his arms. Luckily I was able to change my seat. The good old days, fond memories.