"For a minute there...I lost myself."

Those lyrics from Radiohead's "Karma Police" couldn't better describe the events that transpired around 4:45pm at my workplace today.  After years of snide comments, insults, misrepresentations, mountains of disrespect, and casting it all aside, I couldn't accept it anymore.  I lost it.

I can't remember ever being that angry ever in the thirty-two years of mornings I've been blessed enough to wake up for.  Sure, there have been times where I've been angry but never teetering on the edge of physically assaulting someone without following through with it.  At least when I'd get into a fight there would be anger leading up to it but knowing that a scrap would end things right then and there made it easier to not be so angry if that makes sense. Even if I wasn't the victor (and believe me, I've taken my fair share of shots) at least my feelings were communicated in a way that was easy to understand.  As time aged on I sought out the path of more reason, telling myself that there was nothing worth getting so worked up about.  I let things go and it worked.

But there I was at 4:45pm, hands shaking as rage coursed through my veins causing them to pop out of my forehead and neck, turning my face tomato red.  I removed myself from the situation three times because I felt as if I couldn't trust myself to stay cool and, no matter how good it would've felt to communicate my feelings physically, that the repercussions in the end would not have justified the means.  Unfortunately, that just fanned the flames.  This was my job, my means of living life, and that was being used as leverage against me.  I felt trapped.  I felt owned.

My buttons had been pressed for years but this time the "out of order" light didn't illuminate.  Action was getting reacquainted with reaction.  I took all my frustration and anger and I let it go in a verbal way, refusing to give in and turn the other cheek.  I didn't curse (I'm still in shock I was able to do that) but instead chose to finally let all my feelings fly with the understanding that my little share session could result in my termination.  I didn't care.  I was not going to take one more ounce of disrespect and I was there to make sure everyone knew that.

In the end I was a little disappointed that I blew my stack because in a way I felt as if I'd lost the mild mannered person I'd worked so hard to become.  Overall, however, I was proud.  I was proud of myself for taking a stand, even if it was potentially my final stand.  I'd rather starve than feel owned like that.  After all, at the end of the day I report to myself, not a boss, not friends, not family, not God.  Me.

Dear Chinese Porno Link Guy

You have been posting in the comment section of my blog for almost a year now.  While the Chinese characters look cool and although I have no idea what they actually say, I find it really annoying and really wish you would get the hint and stop posting them.  I can't imagine that my blog really gets that much traffic for you to find it worthwhile to put your porno links in the comment sections of my posts, nor can I imagine that anyone even clicks on them.  It's really a waste of your time and mine.

A few days ago, I admired your efforts to be tricky and use "donna" as an alias to disguise your identity when you left your Chinese porno links.  I even laughed at the fact that you thought that would work.  Silly Chinese porno link guy, I get emails when comments are posted and I noticed you felt the need to comment on 11 of my posts.  That was a big red flag.  The other red flag was that, other than the letters "AV" at the start, your comment was all Chinese characters, thus giving you away.

I really don't want to moderate comments because that is a pain in the ass, so I'm going to ask that you please stop posting in the comments section of my blog posts.  I will delete the comments every time, so find somewhere else to post your links to Chinese porno.  Thanks, buddy.

Getting Political for a Minute

I read an interesting article today about a proposed tax hike of 10% on businesses in the indoor tanning service industry and it really dumbfounded me.  I'm no expert when it comes to politics and policies, but wasn't the goal of the Obama administration to support small businesses?  The indoor tanning service industry is about 99% comprised of small businesses!  A tax of 10% is ridiculous. 

They say that the idea is for the tax to support healthcare reform, you know, since indoor and outdoor tanning has been known to cause skin cancer.  Ok, I can kinda see the point there but aren't there industries that contribute more dead weight to healthcare than a tanning bed?  Look at the obesity rate in this country!  Large corporations operating fast food chains are who I would point the tax finger at.  Something tells me obesity and the many, many health issues that occur as a result of a person being obese probably end up controling more healthcare dollars than skin cancer.  But I don't have the facts, its just a hunch.

I just thought the Obama administration was all about promoting American small businesses.  If that is the case, as I'm positive it was during the election race, taxing an industry that is solely made up of small businesses doesn't make sense.  A tax of 10% on this industry is a heavy one and could mean the closure of many of the small businesses that make up the industry.  It's pretty hard to profit off of a tax when businesses fail as a result, isn't it?  And when these businesses fail, what's next?  Unemployment, that's what.

If someone can explain to me how this makes sense, please do.  I'd love to hear it.  Here is the link to the article.  I will admit that I did get a little chuckle out of the right-wingers in the comment section that immediately claimed that this is a tax on white people.

Nice to know my flight is in good hands...

Today, as I handed my ticket to the gate agent to board my flight, she asked me if I was ready and willing to help in the case of an emergency because I was in an exit row. I always find this silly but I guess its protocol. Well, you can only imagine how comforting it is to know that this woman is on my flight and has been moved up to the exit row. She is clearly ready to rip off a 65 pound door in the case of an emergency being that she is about 75 years old, walks with a cane, doesn't speak a lick of English, and is coughing like she has a case of the black lung. Thanks American Airlines for looking out for the best interest of your passengers' safety.

Miami Construction SUCKS!!

This is gonna be a quick, frustrated post. This city is the absolute worst when it comes to road construction. The Miami Brain Trust feels that the appropriate time for road construction is during peak hours of commute. Im so sick and tired of taking 195 West only to find 95 South closed, forcing me to have to drive North to then turn around and go South. HURRY UP AND FINISH THE GODDAMN INTERCHANGE ALREADY!!! ITS BEEN WAAAAAAY TOO LONG!!! And since things take forever in Miami because the unions and developers, etc like to milk the clock for as much as they can, maybe it would be wise to START CONSTRUCTION AFTER MIDNIGHT LIKE THEY DO IN OTHER CITIES?!?!?!?!?! WORK OVERNIGHT, NOT DURING PEAK TIMES (which in Miami happen to run until midnight because we have no transit system)!!!!!!!!!!!

Its a good thing I dont own a gun...

Olympic Torch Relay - WTF?!?!?!

Ok, this shit with boycotting China and trying to snuff out the torch has gone waaaaaaay overboard. Im not a fan of the situation in Tibet any more than the next guy but trying to snuff out the torch that symbolizes a peaceful and traditional global event is a crime. These hippies need to calm the hell down. What about the poor runner carrying the torch? If the Olympics were in Japan, that runner would be safe. Now his/her life is in jeopardy. Another thing that is absolutely absurd is Hilary Clinton suggesting the President boycott the opening ceremony. Yeah, great idea Hil. Let's boycott the nation that majorly supports our economy.

Bottom line is that there is a time and a place for everything and this is neither nor. I love the Olympics because its a time where we as a planet can all share in the excitement of sport and competition. These hostile protests have tainted this event and I say shame on everyone involved.