Up In the Air...Again

A few thoughts and circumstances I encountered on this latest adventure flying the friendly skies...

1. Airports really need to get on the same goddamn page.  It's really interesting how what is necessary for the goose isn't necessary for the gander when one goes through the process of checking in for a flight and getting to one's departing gate.  At some airports, you can use a kiosk to check in and then wait in line to check your bags and then the ticket counter employees put your bags on a conveyor belt behind them and off they go.  At other airports like MIA, you go through the same process but then have to wheel your bags over to some other area for them to be screened by security even though there is a moving conveyor belt behind the ticket counter employees.  I'm sure there is probably a good reason for this, besides MIA being the most ass-backward airport in the country, but it just seems really dumb and a pain in the ass.  Every airport should do it the same way.  It would greatly reduce confusion for the traveler that gets the deer-in-the-headlights look because their originating airport didn't do it this way and now they are confused on their return flight.  Kinda hard to imagine why this is confusing but, for some reason, air travel makes people really, really dumb.  Another inconsistency comes at the security gates.  Ok, by now if you don't know that you need to remove all metal from your pockets and take off your shoes then you should be removed from the line and beaten senseless with a regulation-sized carry-on bag.  That's simple stuff.  The inconsistency that is annoying lies with airport security personnel who sometimes make you remove things from your pockets and sometimes don't.  When I left MIA on my way north, I went thru my usual routine and removed everything from my persons that was metal.  I left a chapstick in my pocket.  The lady at security made a big fucking to-do about that and made me go back thru the metal detector and put the chapstick in a bin.  You know, in case I had nuclear chapstick that would bring us all to our doom.  At LGA (LaGuardia), I went thru security 3 times.  The first time was for normal reasons and I made it through without issue (chapstick in pocket) but when I got to my gate and noticed I was still 3.5 hrs early (no other flights for standby) and there was no 1st class lounge, I doubled back and hit the next terminal over.  I got through security there without issue as well, had a few gratis beers in the lounge along with some veggies and dip, then headed back to my terminal to go through security for the 3rd time and catch my flight.  Here, I encountered the Security Nazi, you know, the dude who just likes to be a dick.  I went through the metal detector and it didn't make a noise so I thought I was good.  "Sir, I need you to go back.  Do you have any metal in your pockets?", the S.N. said.  "Nope", I replied before he noticed that nuclear chapstick in my pocket and made me remove it.  I did without getting irritated thinking maybe the "empty pockets" thing was new and then headed back through the metal detector.  Once again, no sound from the metal detector and once again this asshole stopped me and asked me to do it again.  Now I was irritated.  "Buddy, I do this almost every goddamn day.  In fact, this is the 3rd time if gone through security at this airport and I'm doing nothing different.  There's nothing setting off the metal detector.  What's your problem?"  He said something about me getting "four stars" as I walked through and that meant I had to go back.  Eventually, I took my money clip (stainless steel that is travel approved doesn't set off metal detectors) and put it in a bin which reduced my "star count" and appeased the Security Nazi.  I just wish airports would get on the same page with the same set of rules for each airport to eliminate delays and power trips by security.
2. Some people never cease to amaze me.  Look, flight delays happen.  Whether it be weather, equipment malfunctions, or whatever, shit happens.  Contrary to what appears to be popular belief, the airline employees have NOTHING to do with this.  My flight from LGA to BOS was delayed for 30 minutes and then another 1.5 hours.  This one woman apparently thought that the poor girl at the counter was responsible and began bitching nonstop for a good 15 minutes before she finally stormed off having accomplished nothing but elevating her own blood pressure and looking like a total bitch.  I thought it was kinda funny when the poor girl behind the counter went on break and the guy who replaced her decided to crush our spirits and let everyone know that although it said our flight would be leaving at 6:30p (1 hour late), we would actually be boarding at that time and then sitting on the runway for another hour.  He got cussed out by what I imagine was his supervisor but I appreciated him telling the god honest truth.
3. Sometimes you gotta give a little clear direction.  The plane I boarded on the aforementioned LGA to BOS flight was one of those smaller ones with two seats on the left side of the plane and one on the right as you board.  These planes have tiny overhead bins but I know my briefcase fits in just fine.  The guy in front of me was kind enough to let me put my briefcase up before he put up his jacket so we both could get our stuff in.  As I put my briefcase up, the woman behind me with the annoying, whiny voice asked, "How come you couldn't gate check that so we could put our jackets up?"  I kindly told her that my computer and some files were in there and that I needed to get some work done on the plane.  Again she bitched, "You could take them out, you know."  "Well, that's not gonna happen.  Sorry.", I said as she continued to bitch about her stupid jacket.  That's when I became irritated and gave some clear direction which got a clap from the woman next to me and sparked the guy behind me to say, "Forget it buddy, you can't win with people like that."  The guy then guessed that I wasn't married but the bitchy woman thought he was talking to her and went off on a tirade about being married for 42 years.  Guy behind me had the line of the night - "Man, that must be some luck your husband has."  Later on the flight the bitchy woman and her annoying friend both ended up getting airsick and puked in the barf bag.  Ain't karma a bitch?

Another Day, Another Flight, Another Lost Bag

Something didn't feel right when I began the check-in process at the Delta self-service counter today at MIA. You see, I usually fly American Airlines because they have a hub at MIA with direct flights to just about every city I need to fly to. I hate layovers. Not only are they a waste of time but they provide another chance for the airline to let the traveler down.

Another reason I fly American Airlines whenever I can has to due with my frequent flyer status. I've hit Platinum 2 years in a row now and may even hit Executive Platinum this year (I'd easily nail EP status if I didnt fly direct everywhere as flights with layovers get you more miles for your sacrifice in time). With that status comes a waiver of baggage fees, aka "the biggest consumer ripoff in the past 5 years". Even though my company picks up this baggage fee, it pisses me off that such a thing even exists. Let's see, the airlines were losing a boatload of money and claimed rising oil prices had a lot to do with it and figured that baggage gave the aircraft a lesser mpg, knew people need clothes when they travel, and decided to offset their costs by charging for baggage. That may not be exactly how it went down but I'm sure its pretty effin close. Well, oil prices have come way down yet we still get raped with baggage fees. Thank you, Sir! May I have another?!?!

So there I stood, looking at the kiosk and wondering if it would be possible to check my bag of clothing and carry on both my briefcase and my bag of product samples. In the past 2 months, my luggage had been lost twice which resulted in me walking into a meeting with a customer with plenty to tell but nothing to show. In other words, it was a waste of a meeting and I looked like an asshole. This would save my company $25 and ensure that I had my samples just in case my luggage was lost. Physically, I knew I could. Morally, I struggled with the decision. I can't stand the assholes who place their own well being above others on airplanes. The people who cram 2-3 bags into the overhead are said assholes. I didn't want to be that guy, the very guy I despise. So, even though I had reservations about checking the bag of samples, I gave into my morals and did it anyways.

I was on 4 hours of sleep, having gone to bed around 1am and gotten up at 5am to be at the airport by 6am for a 730am flight. I was hoping to sleep on the flight from Miami to Atlanta but a screaming baby prevented that from happening. The flight from Atlanta to Chattanooga was delayed but I wasn't surprised since delayed flights and ATL airport are kinda one in the same. Luckily, my appointment wasnt until 130p so I still would have time to grab my bags and a bite to eat with my sales rep before heading to see my customer. Or so I thought...

The airport in Chattanooga is tiny so the baggage carousel started less than 10 minutes after we landed. Now we pray. I was relieved when I saw my bag of clothing come out. Just one more bag and I'd be on my way...

That bag never came.

The carousel stopped and I was pissed. I'd just paid $50 to have Delta lose my bag and there was nothing I could do about it. Nope, can't get upset because that isn't going to do anything. All I could do was suppress my rage and meander over to the baggage office to report the problem.

Apparently taking 2 bags off of a plane in Atlanta and putting them on another is a difficult feat because, according to the Delta employee at the baggage counter, this happens almost daily. I took my claim number and hoped the bag would be on the next flight which was due to land at 120p, 10 minutes before my meeting...great. I ended up being an hour late and thus had to rush. I don't know about Delta Airlines but my time is very valuable to me, especially when it comes to doing my job. My brain was working overtime trying to not be pissed about being charged for bags only to have them lost. I decided I would resort to writing another letter to the airline which would most likely result in me being placated with a $100 voucher for use on a future flight. Yay...

So what can be done about being forced to pay for baggage on flights? As I see it, you can add $50-$100 to whatever "discount" airfare you are able to find on a flight so it really isn't a good fare. It's absurd how 9/11 security (fear) initiatives and the price of oil are holding the American consumer hostage when it comes to leisure or business travel. There has got to be a solution. In fact, I know there is a solution but the airlines are just too f**king selfish to take the necessary steps to making that solution a reality. But that's a whole separate discussion for another time. Until then, I guess we just have to grin and bear it while the airlines take advantage of us.

JUST CHARGE ME ALREADY!!!

Why is it that some businesses take so long to push thru the transactions when you make a credit card purchase at their establishment? This is so effing annoying to me. Why? Well, I like to pay off my entire credit card balance each month and I like to track how much that payment is each month. When businesses take forever to push the purchase thru, the transaction isnt recorded on my account when I want to pay my bill and thus jumps over to the next month. Since Citibank is lame and wont let me pay more than my current balance, even when I know charges are out there waiting to be added, there is nothing I can do.

There are 2 reasons this annoys me:

1.) I have been spending a shitload of money this year. Probably about double what I spent last year on a monthly basis. Sure, Im having way more fun but Im trying to get myself back into saving mode as I have a few things Id like to save for. When charges get carried over to the next month, I dont get to "start fresh" with a chance at keeping my card spending low for that month by starting with a zero balance. Its a mental thing I guess and something thats not easy to explain. Just one of my many quirks.

2.) As a business owner, wouldnt you want your money as fast as you could get it? I just made about $400 in purchases since last Tuesday. NONE of these have shown up on my card yet. One was from an online retailer. The other was a restaurant here in Miami. The online guy has shipped my order and Ive already eaten the food from the restaurant and crapped it out by now.

I guess I could add Citibank being lame and not letting me prepay balances that I know are on the way to the list of why this annoys me. Bank of America let me do that but they dont give me AA miles for my purchases. Instead they have a lame reward program so it was bye bye to BoA. This may be the first case of someone wanting to be charged for goods and services but, unless the transactions have been forgotten or wiped clean, Id like to be charged. Dammit.

Losing Its Luster

I travel a lot for a living. My schedule can have me away from Miami just about every other week, sometimes weekly, for anywhere from 2 to 10 days at a time. As a result, I spend a lot of time in airports and on airplanes.

For the most part, I really enjoy it. Whenever Im traveling I am on the company's dime so its easier for me to save money. In Miami, I need to pay to feed myself and fight the temptation to go out all the time, a battle that I usually lose. I also get to see and experience the sights, sounds, and history of my country. A lot of people have never left their home states. Ive been to 39 of the 50 states in the USA* and hope to knock off a few more later this year. I also get to meet new people from different walks of life which has been an awesome learning experience. The travel perks are another bonus. Ive been on some pretty sweet vacations using my airline miles to get me there and my hotel points to put a roof over my head.

The drawbacks are minimal in quantity though somewhat hefty in quality. Being on the road and living out of a suitcase kinda blows. Its not bad when youre staying in one hotel for a few days at a time because you can unpack and get comfy. Bouncing from hotel to hotel and living out of a suitcase gets tiresome though. Then coming home and having to unpack and do chores before I leave again usually leads to me being lazy and neglecting my condo which sucks cuz Im kind of a neat freak. Also, it seems that I miss out on a lot of cool events with friends because I happen to be out of town when they take place, be it a concert, beach party, or local Miami event.

The fine line has always been flying. I love to fly. I think man inventing the commercial airplane and flying passengers all over the world in a giant hunk of hollowed steel is pretty freakin awesome. Have you ever seen a plane just about to land or after its just taken off? Look at how big those suckers are! Blows my mind. Lately, however, flying has been quite daunting.

I can deal with the nuances of the airport, even Miami International which is by far the worst and most annoying airport in the country. I can deal with the ticket lines, security lines, taking off my shoes, and removing liquids and metals from my persons and baggage. I arrive anywhere between 1.5 and 2 hours early and sit quietly while waiting to board my flight.

What I cant deal with lately is the way airlines have reacted to the economic situation and how it has affected airline passengers who then affect me. With the airline industry hurting, airlines have adopted a policy of making passengers pay for checked baggage. The result - people now cram everything they can into a suitcase, or multiple suitcases, and begin the battle for overhead space. Passengers flock to the boarding area, trying to get on the plane as fast as possible to secure the most overhead space possible. Airlines allow one bag in the overhead but most asshole passengers will throw 2, sometimes 3 up there without the airlines doing anything to stop them. This really pisses me off, mainly because of the lack of consideration shown for fellow flyers. It also delays the boarding/takeoff process because there is always some poor sap that cant find overhead space and then has to have his bag checked planeside. Another thing that drives me nuts as a result of the current economic situation is how airlines have cut routes and now jam pack and oversell flights. Nothing is worse than being on a packed flight. The cabin temperature pre-takeoff gets really warm with all of those bodies in there. Plus, people are so effing inconsiderate its not even funny. I sit in the aisles and get wailed by carry-on luggage as people walk by without even offering an "excuse me" or "sorry".

My last 4 flights have really sucked due to fellow passengers being inconsiderate. First there was the parents who couldnt get their kid to stop kicking my seat to the point where I had to turn around and say, "Dont do that again." The dad finally reacted after ignoring this for 2 straight hours and got the kid to stop. Then there was the kid from India who talked loud NONSTOP for 2 straight hours on an 8am flight to Charlotte. This kid didnt take one goddamn breath. I knew his whole effing life story by the end of the flight which technically qualified me to bludgeon him to death with my luggage because he was that lame. The next flight was warm when we boarded the plane. It was a quick flight from Charlotte to Norfolk in a small plane on a nice spring morning where the air was brisk but the sun was hot. Due to the fact that we weren't moving, the air vents weren't pumping out a lot of cool air. The pilot was clearly trying to fix things but the plane kept losing power and restarting again. The guy behind me thought that if he bitched nonstop like a 2 year old to the flight attendants or pilot or anyone who would listen, that the plane would miraculously be fixed and cool off. This went on for 45 straight minutes before me and the woman next to me started talking very audibly about how much of a baby he was. The last flight was a 6 hour Miami to San Fran nightmare. Sitting in my usual seat 10D on a nonstop 8am American flight, I was feeling good. Id only gotten 3 hours of sleep but I knew I could pass out and get some more shuteye on the plane. Not so fast. I had 2 old geezer women and a big fat momma sitting behind me who made it a point to constantly raise and lower the tray table and yank down on the back of my chair while trying to get out of the row to take a leak. Why think about others' comfort? I maybe got an hour of sleep and now Im in a different timezone trying to stay awake so I will wake up on "normal" time and not be a zombie in my meetings tomorrow.

Its these things that have now got me thinking that the allure of travel is losing its luster. Ive found myself dreading trips that I normally would enjoy just because of the flights involved. Its probably just a phase where Im becoming easily irritated and suppressing it so it all boils over like it has in this rant. Another thing is that I travel so much and try to be considerate of others so I expect it even more. Its a necessary evil that puts money in my pocket so I'll suck it up and deal and hope I get back that "lovin feelin" for flying again. At least it gets me out of Miami for a little bit, a positive that cant be topped.

*In order to qualify as a "visited state", I have to actually do something there (i.e. - eat at a restaurant, go to a tourist spot, etc). Simply driving through or sitting at an airport during a layover does not count.

SERENITY NOW!!!

I used to work in a high stress job environment and, as such, I was a highly stressed individual. I was extremely irritable and quick to get angry if I felt I was being taken advantage of or treated with disrespect. In other words, I was an asshole.

When I left that job, so did the asshole me. My friends and family noticed a change immediately and it was good to have the old me back. I am much more relaxed now and a pro at keeping my cool. Today, that really came in handy...

I went and got a haircut after work and remembered that I needed some water at the homestead so I stopped by Milams on my way back to the Grove. I got some chicken, some shittake mushrooms, garlic teriyaki sauce, water, ice, and a bottle of V8 Acai & Mixed Berry which is one of my favorite drinks. I paid, went to the car, threw the groceries into the trunk and headed home. When I got home, I was able to lug all the groceries plus my briefcase and a car stereo Id bought the day before up to my condo. On the way, I stopped and grabbed my mail and when I got to the 2nd floor where my place is, I realized Id left my keys in the mailbox. So, I put the stuff down, got my keys, and went back up. When I got in, I started putting things away when I noticed the juice was MIA. "What the hell?", I thought to myself. So, I headed back out to the car and checked the trunk. Nothing in it. I hopped in the car and headed back to Milams figuring Id left the juice at the register. When I got there, the cashier said she didnt see it. I didnt take her to be a liar, so I left puzzled at where the hell this juice had gone.

I checked my trunk AGAIN. Still not there, pal. I head home and check the house again. Still nothing. Now Im irritated and in a pissy mood because I want to make dinner and eat before it gets late. So I say, "screw it", and start cooking dinner. As Im making my stir fry, I cant let the goddamn juice fiasco go. I review the whole thing in my mind again. Bought the juice, put the groceries in the car, got home, got mail, got inside, juice up and vanishes like a fart in the wind. Im stir frying and Im pissed off because I just wanted to drink some goddamn juice tonite. Now Im starting to think that the cashier is happily thinking about the juice she is going to drink later. I struggle with the idea of going back to Milams a 3rd time. Im eating with a vengeance now and I cant take the lingering feeling that Ive been had. So, I eat half the dinner and hop in the car to go back to Milams.

I get back and Im determined to shake this girl down to find out where my goddamn juice is. I ask her again and she says I didnt leave anything. Her face is sincere and I know she is telling the truth. Old me definitely wouldve exploded on her and demanded to speak to a manager. Old me definitely wouldve looked like the biggest asshole for doing that too. New me is cool, calm, and collected. I go to the juice aisle and discover Id bought the last bottle of that juice. I start searching for an alternative before angrily deciding that I'll be damned if I buy another bottle of juice at this place. Now Im convinced that I mustve put the groceries down before putting them in the trunk and possibly left that bag. Its hardly believable but there's a chance that is what happened so I leave thinking, "Great, some asshole is probably having a juice party with his whole family on me tonite!"

I needed gas so I stopped for some and then drove home, once again reviewing all of the details of the disappearing juice caper in my head. It is this very second where I have an epiphany. When I went back downstairs to grab my keys out of the mailbox, I thought I heard a "thud" that sounded different than a door closing. I get home, walk up to my place, and look over the railing into the bushes... THERE IS MY MOTHERFUCKIN JUICE! HELL YEAH!! ALL IS GOOD IN THE WORLD!!!

The juice is getting the royal treatment in the freezer as I type this, in order to achieve maximum awesomeness before I dominate about half of the bottle. Ive never been so fired up to drink a glass of juice in my life. Mmmmmmmmmmmm..........juuuuuuuice.