Up In the Air...Again

A few thoughts and circumstances I encountered on this latest adventure flying the friendly skies...

1. Airports really need to get on the same goddamn page.  It's really interesting how what is necessary for the goose isn't necessary for the gander when one goes through the process of checking in for a flight and getting to one's departing gate.  At some airports, you can use a kiosk to check in and then wait in line to check your bags and then the ticket counter employees put your bags on a conveyor belt behind them and off they go.  At other airports like MIA, you go through the same process but then have to wheel your bags over to some other area for them to be screened by security even though there is a moving conveyor belt behind the ticket counter employees.  I'm sure there is probably a good reason for this, besides MIA being the most ass-backward airport in the country, but it just seems really dumb and a pain in the ass.  Every airport should do it the same way.  It would greatly reduce confusion for the traveler that gets the deer-in-the-headlights look because their originating airport didn't do it this way and now they are confused on their return flight.  Kinda hard to imagine why this is confusing but, for some reason, air travel makes people really, really dumb.  Another inconsistency comes at the security gates.  Ok, by now if you don't know that you need to remove all metal from your pockets and take off your shoes then you should be removed from the line and beaten senseless with a regulation-sized carry-on bag.  That's simple stuff.  The inconsistency that is annoying lies with airport security personnel who sometimes make you remove things from your pockets and sometimes don't.  When I left MIA on my way north, I went thru my usual routine and removed everything from my persons that was metal.  I left a chapstick in my pocket.  The lady at security made a big fucking to-do about that and made me go back thru the metal detector and put the chapstick in a bin.  You know, in case I had nuclear chapstick that would bring us all to our doom.  At LGA (LaGuardia), I went thru security 3 times.  The first time was for normal reasons and I made it through without issue (chapstick in pocket) but when I got to my gate and noticed I was still 3.5 hrs early (no other flights for standby) and there was no 1st class lounge, I doubled back and hit the next terminal over.  I got through security there without issue as well, had a few gratis beers in the lounge along with some veggies and dip, then headed back to my terminal to go through security for the 3rd time and catch my flight.  Here, I encountered the Security Nazi, you know, the dude who just likes to be a dick.  I went through the metal detector and it didn't make a noise so I thought I was good.  "Sir, I need you to go back.  Do you have any metal in your pockets?", the S.N. said.  "Nope", I replied before he noticed that nuclear chapstick in my pocket and made me remove it.  I did without getting irritated thinking maybe the "empty pockets" thing was new and then headed back through the metal detector.  Once again, no sound from the metal detector and once again this asshole stopped me and asked me to do it again.  Now I was irritated.  "Buddy, I do this almost every goddamn day.  In fact, this is the 3rd time if gone through security at this airport and I'm doing nothing different.  There's nothing setting off the metal detector.  What's your problem?"  He said something about me getting "four stars" as I walked through and that meant I had to go back.  Eventually, I took my money clip (stainless steel that is travel approved doesn't set off metal detectors) and put it in a bin which reduced my "star count" and appeased the Security Nazi.  I just wish airports would get on the same page with the same set of rules for each airport to eliminate delays and power trips by security.
2. Some people never cease to amaze me.  Look, flight delays happen.  Whether it be weather, equipment malfunctions, or whatever, shit happens.  Contrary to what appears to be popular belief, the airline employees have NOTHING to do with this.  My flight from LGA to BOS was delayed for 30 minutes and then another 1.5 hours.  This one woman apparently thought that the poor girl at the counter was responsible and began bitching nonstop for a good 15 minutes before she finally stormed off having accomplished nothing but elevating her own blood pressure and looking like a total bitch.  I thought it was kinda funny when the poor girl behind the counter went on break and the guy who replaced her decided to crush our spirits and let everyone know that although it said our flight would be leaving at 6:30p (1 hour late), we would actually be boarding at that time and then sitting on the runway for another hour.  He got cussed out by what I imagine was his supervisor but I appreciated him telling the god honest truth.
3. Sometimes you gotta give a little clear direction.  The plane I boarded on the aforementioned LGA to BOS flight was one of those smaller ones with two seats on the left side of the plane and one on the right as you board.  These planes have tiny overhead bins but I know my briefcase fits in just fine.  The guy in front of me was kind enough to let me put my briefcase up before he put up his jacket so we both could get our stuff in.  As I put my briefcase up, the woman behind me with the annoying, whiny voice asked, "How come you couldn't gate check that so we could put our jackets up?"  I kindly told her that my computer and some files were in there and that I needed to get some work done on the plane.  Again she bitched, "You could take them out, you know."  "Well, that's not gonna happen.  Sorry.", I said as she continued to bitch about her stupid jacket.  That's when I became irritated and gave some clear direction which got a clap from the woman next to me and sparked the guy behind me to say, "Forget it buddy, you can't win with people like that."  The guy then guessed that I wasn't married but the bitchy woman thought he was talking to her and went off on a tirade about being married for 42 years.  Guy behind me had the line of the night - "Man, that must be some luck your husband has."  Later on the flight the bitchy woman and her annoying friend both ended up getting airsick and puked in the barf bag.  Ain't karma a bitch?

The #1 Reason Why MIA Sucks

It's the people who work there.  Everyone has an attitude and that attitude sucks.  It's like they think they're doing the public a big favor by working there.  It's completely different than every other airport in the country and it's also the worst airport in the country.  I feel bad that many people have to have their introduction to the USA by way of Miami International Airport.  It's the worst airport in the country.  Seriously.  I think it was a year or two ago that somehow they got an award for best airport or most improved airport or something and it totally blew me away.  The selection committee must have gone out and drank tequila into the early hours of the morning before finishing off with 1,000 rounds of bong hits and walking in to cast their votes.

Thanks for continuing to under-service, under-perform, and underachieve MIA.  You suck. 

Quest for 50

Travel, travel, travel. Seems like I'm always on the run (cue the Kravitz). This month has been pretty epic for travel though. Epic in the sense that this weekend I was able to knock off my third of the 14 untraveled states left on the list on my quest to visit all 50 of the United States.

I started November with 14 unvisited states left on my quest for 50, that number including Hawaii and Alaska.  Earlier in the month I went to Tennessee and there aint no place I'd rather be (cue the Dead). Well, there are plenty of places I'd rather be but the bbq pulled pork sandwich I had at Golly Whoppers at least made me I was happy I was there at that point in time.  I just wanted to make the Dead reference.  A week later, I was headed to Minnesoooota, as the locals would pronounce it.  Didnt really get to see the full Mall of America but I did have a few good meals, one being a burger that was almost better than the one I had at Burger & Beer Joint recently.  This puppy had a burger patty with shredded lettuce, cheese, pulled pork, AND bacon on top of it!!  My sales rep and I ate at a couple of sports bars out in Minnesota and the food was surprisingly good as was the service, something you never really get here in Miami.

The last state knocked off in November was Biloxi, Mississippi.  This trip was pure pleasure though, no work involved.  Why Biloxi?  Good question.  As I may have stated a few times on this blog, I love to gamble.  The MGM group knows this because I have their players card and play often at their casinos when Im in Vegas.  Well, they decided to mail me a postcard offering a free flight, transportation, and hotel for 2 nights for me and a companion to check out their Beau Rivage casino in Biloxi.  At first I ignored it because it seemed like one of those "too good to be true" deals.  Then, they called me and left a voicemail about the promo and sent another postcard.  I called my cousin, who also loves gambling as much as I do, and asked him if he was down to go.  They had also been sending him postcards and calls about the deal so we decided we would each take one of our buddies and head to Biloxi for a dudes weekend.  I'm not going to go into detail but lets just say that it was a full weekend of over-the-top debauchery.  Extravagant meals, a lot of drinking, and a lot of gambling.  Oh, and I got shitfaced and fell asleep at a blackjack table for about 10 minutes which the casino staff all got a great laugh out of not only on that night but when they told me about it the next day as well.  I had no recollection of that.  Yay!

Biloxi was a great time with lots of hilarious memories.  The casino was actually really nice and probably the closest outside-of-Vegas casino that I've been to that actually resembled a Vegas casino.  The only buzzkill of the trip was that we didnt get to take a drive to New Orleans on Saturday, mainly because the rental car company had no vehicles but also because none of us were in any sort of position to drive, let alone sit in a car for 2 hours.  Louisiana is one of the 11 states I now have left to visit.  Wouldve been nice to knock that one off but oh well.  There's always next year...

New American Airlines Terminal at MIA

As the shuttle pulled up to the terminal, I thought the shuttle driver had chosen to drop us off on the baggage claim level. It just didnt look right - no cars jammed into the curb dropping/picking up passengers, no employees crossing the streets to get to the employee bus, no typical mess that is Terminal C/D at MIA. After looking around and confirming we were indeed on the departure level, I realized that this was the long-awaited Terminal A/B open for business.

American Airlines now has its own area all to itself and its huge. Check-in counters as far as the eye can see. Of course, everything still manages to be a total clusterfuck with First Class being all the way at the end of the hall and multiple departure terminals and security checkpoints. I checked in at the First Class counter and was told my gate would be E2. Great... That meant I had to hoof it all the way to the farthest departure terminal from where I was at. The woman behind the counter told me to use the Terminal E security line in case the others were full. The C/D line was pretty short, so I went to pass there but I was stopped by the typical rude MIA employee who told me to use the D/E line because it would be "faster". Yeah, OK. Terminal E is the International Terminal and its usually mobbed this early in the morning. Lucky for me it wasn't too bad and I made it thru in about 15 minutes.

It was nice to see a Starbucks up and running in the new concourse check-in area. Another one looked to just have been finished and setup right outside the old Terminal D check-in area that now sits empty. Now if they could only get some Starbucks on the OTHER side of security. I was flying out of Terminal E and the breakfast options were Pizza Hut or some Cuban pastries. I'd rather starve than eat that crap. Not that Starbucks is that much better for breakfast but at least they make a decent chai tea.

Another nice new feature at the American Airlines counter was labeling bags as "Priority" for those of us who hold status with American. Waiting for bags at MIA takes FOREVER, so hopefully this miraculously speeds up the process of retrieving bags upon landing. I'm waiting to see what happens when I land in Minnesota, today's travel destination, to see if the labels have any effect on bag retrieval there.

That is if the bags make it there, of course...

Another Day, Another Flight, Another Lost Bag

Something didn't feel right when I began the check-in process at the Delta self-service counter today at MIA. You see, I usually fly American Airlines because they have a hub at MIA with direct flights to just about every city I need to fly to. I hate layovers. Not only are they a waste of time but they provide another chance for the airline to let the traveler down.

Another reason I fly American Airlines whenever I can has to due with my frequent flyer status. I've hit Platinum 2 years in a row now and may even hit Executive Platinum this year (I'd easily nail EP status if I didnt fly direct everywhere as flights with layovers get you more miles for your sacrifice in time). With that status comes a waiver of baggage fees, aka "the biggest consumer ripoff in the past 5 years". Even though my company picks up this baggage fee, it pisses me off that such a thing even exists. Let's see, the airlines were losing a boatload of money and claimed rising oil prices had a lot to do with it and figured that baggage gave the aircraft a lesser mpg, knew people need clothes when they travel, and decided to offset their costs by charging for baggage. That may not be exactly how it went down but I'm sure its pretty effin close. Well, oil prices have come way down yet we still get raped with baggage fees. Thank you, Sir! May I have another?!?!

So there I stood, looking at the kiosk and wondering if it would be possible to check my bag of clothing and carry on both my briefcase and my bag of product samples. In the past 2 months, my luggage had been lost twice which resulted in me walking into a meeting with a customer with plenty to tell but nothing to show. In other words, it was a waste of a meeting and I looked like an asshole. This would save my company $25 and ensure that I had my samples just in case my luggage was lost. Physically, I knew I could. Morally, I struggled with the decision. I can't stand the assholes who place their own well being above others on airplanes. The people who cram 2-3 bags into the overhead are said assholes. I didn't want to be that guy, the very guy I despise. So, even though I had reservations about checking the bag of samples, I gave into my morals and did it anyways.

I was on 4 hours of sleep, having gone to bed around 1am and gotten up at 5am to be at the airport by 6am for a 730am flight. I was hoping to sleep on the flight from Miami to Atlanta but a screaming baby prevented that from happening. The flight from Atlanta to Chattanooga was delayed but I wasn't surprised since delayed flights and ATL airport are kinda one in the same. Luckily, my appointment wasnt until 130p so I still would have time to grab my bags and a bite to eat with my sales rep before heading to see my customer. Or so I thought...

The airport in Chattanooga is tiny so the baggage carousel started less than 10 minutes after we landed. Now we pray. I was relieved when I saw my bag of clothing come out. Just one more bag and I'd be on my way...

That bag never came.

The carousel stopped and I was pissed. I'd just paid $50 to have Delta lose my bag and there was nothing I could do about it. Nope, can't get upset because that isn't going to do anything. All I could do was suppress my rage and meander over to the baggage office to report the problem.

Apparently taking 2 bags off of a plane in Atlanta and putting them on another is a difficult feat because, according to the Delta employee at the baggage counter, this happens almost daily. I took my claim number and hoped the bag would be on the next flight which was due to land at 120p, 10 minutes before my meeting...great. I ended up being an hour late and thus had to rush. I don't know about Delta Airlines but my time is very valuable to me, especially when it comes to doing my job. My brain was working overtime trying to not be pissed about being charged for bags only to have them lost. I decided I would resort to writing another letter to the airline which would most likely result in me being placated with a $100 voucher for use on a future flight. Yay...

So what can be done about being forced to pay for baggage on flights? As I see it, you can add $50-$100 to whatever "discount" airfare you are able to find on a flight so it really isn't a good fare. It's absurd how 9/11 security (fear) initiatives and the price of oil are holding the American consumer hostage when it comes to leisure or business travel. There has got to be a solution. In fact, I know there is a solution but the airlines are just too f**king selfish to take the necessary steps to making that solution a reality. But that's a whole separate discussion for another time. Until then, I guess we just have to grin and bear it while the airlines take advantage of us.

Losing Its Luster

I travel a lot for a living. My schedule can have me away from Miami just about every other week, sometimes weekly, for anywhere from 2 to 10 days at a time. As a result, I spend a lot of time in airports and on airplanes.

For the most part, I really enjoy it. Whenever Im traveling I am on the company's dime so its easier for me to save money. In Miami, I need to pay to feed myself and fight the temptation to go out all the time, a battle that I usually lose. I also get to see and experience the sights, sounds, and history of my country. A lot of people have never left their home states. Ive been to 39 of the 50 states in the USA* and hope to knock off a few more later this year. I also get to meet new people from different walks of life which has been an awesome learning experience. The travel perks are another bonus. Ive been on some pretty sweet vacations using my airline miles to get me there and my hotel points to put a roof over my head.

The drawbacks are minimal in quantity though somewhat hefty in quality. Being on the road and living out of a suitcase kinda blows. Its not bad when youre staying in one hotel for a few days at a time because you can unpack and get comfy. Bouncing from hotel to hotel and living out of a suitcase gets tiresome though. Then coming home and having to unpack and do chores before I leave again usually leads to me being lazy and neglecting my condo which sucks cuz Im kind of a neat freak. Also, it seems that I miss out on a lot of cool events with friends because I happen to be out of town when they take place, be it a concert, beach party, or local Miami event.

The fine line has always been flying. I love to fly. I think man inventing the commercial airplane and flying passengers all over the world in a giant hunk of hollowed steel is pretty freakin awesome. Have you ever seen a plane just about to land or after its just taken off? Look at how big those suckers are! Blows my mind. Lately, however, flying has been quite daunting.

I can deal with the nuances of the airport, even Miami International which is by far the worst and most annoying airport in the country. I can deal with the ticket lines, security lines, taking off my shoes, and removing liquids and metals from my persons and baggage. I arrive anywhere between 1.5 and 2 hours early and sit quietly while waiting to board my flight.

What I cant deal with lately is the way airlines have reacted to the economic situation and how it has affected airline passengers who then affect me. With the airline industry hurting, airlines have adopted a policy of making passengers pay for checked baggage. The result - people now cram everything they can into a suitcase, or multiple suitcases, and begin the battle for overhead space. Passengers flock to the boarding area, trying to get on the plane as fast as possible to secure the most overhead space possible. Airlines allow one bag in the overhead but most asshole passengers will throw 2, sometimes 3 up there without the airlines doing anything to stop them. This really pisses me off, mainly because of the lack of consideration shown for fellow flyers. It also delays the boarding/takeoff process because there is always some poor sap that cant find overhead space and then has to have his bag checked planeside. Another thing that drives me nuts as a result of the current economic situation is how airlines have cut routes and now jam pack and oversell flights. Nothing is worse than being on a packed flight. The cabin temperature pre-takeoff gets really warm with all of those bodies in there. Plus, people are so effing inconsiderate its not even funny. I sit in the aisles and get wailed by carry-on luggage as people walk by without even offering an "excuse me" or "sorry".

My last 4 flights have really sucked due to fellow passengers being inconsiderate. First there was the parents who couldnt get their kid to stop kicking my seat to the point where I had to turn around and say, "Dont do that again." The dad finally reacted after ignoring this for 2 straight hours and got the kid to stop. Then there was the kid from India who talked loud NONSTOP for 2 straight hours on an 8am flight to Charlotte. This kid didnt take one goddamn breath. I knew his whole effing life story by the end of the flight which technically qualified me to bludgeon him to death with my luggage because he was that lame. The next flight was warm when we boarded the plane. It was a quick flight from Charlotte to Norfolk in a small plane on a nice spring morning where the air was brisk but the sun was hot. Due to the fact that we weren't moving, the air vents weren't pumping out a lot of cool air. The pilot was clearly trying to fix things but the plane kept losing power and restarting again. The guy behind me thought that if he bitched nonstop like a 2 year old to the flight attendants or pilot or anyone who would listen, that the plane would miraculously be fixed and cool off. This went on for 45 straight minutes before me and the woman next to me started talking very audibly about how much of a baby he was. The last flight was a 6 hour Miami to San Fran nightmare. Sitting in my usual seat 10D on a nonstop 8am American flight, I was feeling good. Id only gotten 3 hours of sleep but I knew I could pass out and get some more shuteye on the plane. Not so fast. I had 2 old geezer women and a big fat momma sitting behind me who made it a point to constantly raise and lower the tray table and yank down on the back of my chair while trying to get out of the row to take a leak. Why think about others' comfort? I maybe got an hour of sleep and now Im in a different timezone trying to stay awake so I will wake up on "normal" time and not be a zombie in my meetings tomorrow.

Its these things that have now got me thinking that the allure of travel is losing its luster. Ive found myself dreading trips that I normally would enjoy just because of the flights involved. Its probably just a phase where Im becoming easily irritated and suppressing it so it all boils over like it has in this rant. Another thing is that I travel so much and try to be considerate of others so I expect it even more. Its a necessary evil that puts money in my pocket so I'll suck it up and deal and hope I get back that "lovin feelin" for flying again. At least it gets me out of Miami for a little bit, a positive that cant be topped.

*In order to qualify as a "visited state", I have to actually do something there (i.e. - eat at a restaurant, go to a tourist spot, etc). Simply driving through or sitting at an airport during a layover does not count.

FastPark Miami kicks ass

If you travel as much as I do, you know that parking at MIA not only sucks but its expensive as hell. At $15 a day, your travel expenses can add up quick. Well, the people at FastPark want to help rid you of your parking woes. Located just across Lejeune Rd, FastPark offers a $8 rate with a $1 discount if you have AAA. They also have a frequent parker program that gets you a free day of parking for every 8 days that you park there. Not bad considering pretty much every lot just has its way with you and then doesnt even bother to call...

Another thing thats great about the FastPark is that their shuttles are always ready for the minute you enter the lot. They meet you at your car, help load your baggage, then give you a ticket that indicates what spot you parked in. From there, its about 5 minutes to the airport terminal. Ive really cut it close a few times and these shuttles have hustled so I made my flight. When you get back you just hand them the ticket the gave you and they drive you right to your parked car. When you leave you can grab a free bottled water out of the cooler right before the pay station, then pay and be on your way.

How can one parking lot be so awesome? They just are. Its one of the few places in Miami that actually provides a great service at a great price. Thats what makes you want to park there regardless of how long your trip is supposed to be.

Well, today the guys at FastPark went the extra mile. I went to the airport today to catch a flight to the Northeast. Of course, Ma Nature decided to send a snowstorm that way so my flight was postponed and then canceled. I wasted 5 hours of life at MIA. I walked outside and flagged down a FastPark shuttle right away. I grabbed my free water and went to pay as I'd been there for 5 hours so I was expecting to have to pay the $8 day fee. The guy at the gate recognized me and I told him Id be back the following morning. He asked if I had a receipt for my flight and I handed him my ticket. To my surprise, he credited my stay and let me go for free! Shit like this never happens in Miami, so I was pretty surprised and happy. Maybe it was the holiday spirit or something but I think no. The people at FastPark are just plain kickass people. Courteous, prompt, and they actually give a crap about retaining customers.

I am a frequent parker member at FastPark and I encourage anyone to use them for all of your trips out of MIA. Ive recommended this lot to many people, including some who are extremely picky and some who usually take a limo or towncar and everyone loves it.

Road woes...

Traveling for a living has its perks. I get to see the many nooks and crannies of the country and experience different parts of its history. I get to sample various cuisine from top notch chefs and tiny dives. I meet people of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds and sometimes make new friends. In fact, there are few places that I travel to where I dont know anyone in the area. Plus, all of the airline miles I earn make it easy to see friends and family and to have fun when I want or need to. Its really a cool experience and Im fortunate to be able to not only keep in touch with people all over the country but hang out with them as well.

However, it isnt all farts and sunshine out here on the road. I often have a tough time sleeping. Not falling asleep, thats easy. Ive noticed that I cant sleep for more than 4 hours at a time. I think its because I always need to wake up to be somewhere. Believe it or not, Ive even woke up in my own bed at home and not known where I was for a second. Or there was the time where I got up at 7am, showered, and got dressed to head to work only to realize it was Saturday. Yeah.

Take this trip for instance. Ive been in 4 states in 3 days out on the west coast. Wednesday I hopped a 6 hour flight direct from Miami to Seattle, met a customer for lunch and a meeting, then drove 3.5 hours south to Portland, OR. Thats a total of 9.5 hours sitting on my ass which I never thought could be tiresome but it actually is. My legs ache from sitting for that long. The next day consisted of a meeting in Oregon City and then another down in Eugene, OR. Another 4.5 hours of ass sitting but at least I was driving this time so it helped the time go by a bit faster. (Quick positive sidenote: I also love driving in Oregon. The landscape is so effing green its unreal and the mountains are really cool. Saw a bunch of signs and stopped at Berry Empire for some fresh blue and raspberries but got denied because season just ended and all they had was frozen 5lb bags. It was hilarious walking on to this farm in a suit but Im not afraid to look like an ass and I loves me some berries. Ok, back to the negative...) The next morning its up and at em early to head to Boise, ID, just a mere 1.5 hours of sitting on my ass. I meet up with my sales rep, rent a car, drive to a meeting, and 2 hours later Im back at the airport. Its such a quick trip that we dont even need to fill the rental with gas because the meter shows full. We grab a bite at the airport and part ways. Its off to Las Vegas for me now, just 2 hours of sitting on my ass but the Vegas airport has closed a runway and they decide to delay my flight an hour AFTER we all board the plane. Since its Southwest and I dont wanna lose my seat (this is the lamest thing ever), I sit on my ass in the plane for an extra hour taking solace in the fact that at least I'll be in Vegas for the next 6 days and can unpack and unwind.

Im about to embark on a huge tangent here so be prepared because the only relevance this has to this blog entry is to show what happens when road woes take their toll.

Vegas airport is a effing madhouse because the closed runway has delayed all of the departures and people are everywhere - clogging the terminal trains, lying on the floor, etc. Great. At this point, Im irritated and the editors in my brain that normally prevent brash action have all gone on coffee break. I deplane and upon exiting the jetway am confronted by some asshole waiting to board the plane Im exiting for his flight. Usually this isnt a big deal but this dumbass has decided that standing in the middle of the doorway 5 feet away is a good idea. Its not. I am not dodging this guy because of other bodies lying on the ground waiting for the flight. He's moving or Im going thru him. I lay into him with my shoulder and let him know he is an asshole for standing there. To my surprise, another passenger leaving my flight agrees and adds his own 2 cents. Awesome. Nothing beats releasing frustration and having someone cheer you on. Next up, I notice the terminal train area is flooded with about 1000 people waiting for a train that fits 150 so I decide to walk. I have to take a leak anyways so I find a bathroom and take care of biz. As I leave the bathroom, there is about a 5 foot path between the wall and a bunch of slot machines. Some sloth of a kid is lying on the ground taking up 4 feet of this path. He makes a slight effort to move his foot before I roll over his legs with my roller bag, not his feet, his legs. "Whoops, sorry bud!", I announce with a devilish smile. God, that felt good.

Another hour of waiting for bags and I finally head out with an old college buddy for a few much needed bourbons. Im lucky to be staying with this guy because he has a means for me to let out some more frustration - a handgun and miles of desert. The next morning we head out for breakfast, buy some ammo, then drive to a junkyard out in the desert to shoot stuff. Ive never shot a handgun and dont like guns in general but this was fun. I was fairly accurate too, except when popping off multiple rounds in succession. Just a good release for a serious case of 3+ days of road woes. Now if only the gambling gods will smile upon me instead of crapping on me like they did last night. 4 more nights in Vegas before I finally head home for a much needed rest.

Airline woes continue...

I do most of my travel out of MIA because its 10 minutes from my house. They also have the best satellite parking lot (Fast Park just off of LeJeune) in the country, period. I could write a whole post on Fast Park, its that damn good. My biggest complaint about MIA is that waiting for baggage takes an INSANE amount of time but my last 2 flights in have had abnormally quick baggage service so Im hoping thats a new trend.

Praises and complaints aside, as our petro prices continue to rise or remain overpriced, our travel options begin to dwindle one by one. I read an article today about the reduction of flights at nationwide airports. THe article contained this link that listed all of the reductions for each airport by percentage.

I was amazed by how many airports around the country are reducing flights. Its pretty much all of them. One stood out though... Guess who the only one in the top 50 is that has grown in the past year? Yup, its MIA. Up 4% since one year ago while all others are down except for New Orleans who is even. In the top 100, there are only 9 who are up or even and Miami is the only one that I would consider a mainstream airport. The others are all off the beaten path like Portland (ME), Burlington (VT), and Guam.

The past few times Ive been to Vegas, Ive been surprised by how dead it is at the airport. In the past Id waited up to 45 minutes in a cab line in 100 degree weather. The past 2 trips I was in a cab in less than 10 minutes. So, its no surprise that they have had reductions in flights there. I have to go out there in November and January and both tickets were $400 roundtrip which is a definite rise over the last year.

Its funny how we see the price of a barrel of oil shoot up and take our gas prices up with it but then when it comes back down our gas prices stay the same. Something aint right here...

The New Delta Airlines

On Friday, I drove thru one of the worst lightning storms Ive ever seen to FLL airport to hop a flight up to MA for a weekend on the beach in Gloucester with the fam and friends. Lightning was EVERYWHERE and the strangest thing about it was that the bolts were really, for lack of a better word, thick. As I approached the airport, I saw a few bolts of lightning totally annihilate the runway with sparks going everywhere. "Great", I thought to myself, "Im definitely going to be delayed..." When I got to the airport, I asked an employee if they were going to shut the airport down due to the storms, a common practice at airports like DFW, and he said "Nope, they wont have baggage handlers out on the runway, but the planes that are loaded will take off." I asked if that was dangerous seeing that lightning striking an airplane didnt really seem like something that you would want to happen, but he said it was fine and it happens all the time. I guess you learn something every day... Luckily, the flight was only delayed for 15 minutes.

So, back to the point of this whole story. I was flying Delta Airlines who had recently emerged from bankruptcy with a new logo and new service to international destinations. I also found out soon enough that they have some new planes. When I boarded the aircraft, a MD-88 with 2 seats on the right side and 3 on the left, I noticed that everything looked new. The lights were a nice halogen bulb that lit up your seating area for reading, the seats were new leather seats and really comfortable, and there was plenty of leg room in every seat which was key for long legged people like myself who like to stretch out on a flight and catch some zzz's. During the flight, they take on a similar approach to that of JetBlue where one attendant comes around with snacks (a decent assortment of munchies like Sun Chips, Cheese N Crackers, etc.) while another attendant takes drink orders. I had a nice nap, woke up for a snack and a beverage, and then we landed. I will say that the seat did start to become a little uncomfortable, but that was probably because it was new and hadnt had many asses in it to break it in.

Fast forward to today, where I am currently blogging at Logan Airport terminal A. My flight was scheduled to leave at 945am, so my old man and I hopped in the car at 615am to make the trip. It took about an hour or so with traffic and on the way I got a courtesy call from Delta advising me that my flight was delayed until 1030am. THis made me a little pissed because I absolutely LOATHE delays, but at least it was only until 1030am. I arrived at the airport and checked in only to find out that the delay was now until noon... No other flights to hop on either. Not happy. After getting thru security, I sat down and plugged in my laptop and began the wait. I got another call from Delta advising about the noon departure, then another one saying the same thing, then another call saying we would be departing at 11am. "Thats a good sign...", I thought. THen the dude sitting next to me who had gone to the ticket counter saunters up and says that we arent leaving until 3pm!!! Now Im pissed. I call Delta and talk to some really nice and apologetic customer service people who try to help me out but no other flights that make sense (i.e. - have earlier departures/arrivals, go to FLL where my car is and not MIA) are available except a 315p flight w/ a connection in ATL that would put me in FLL at 1030pm, which also didnt make sense. So, here I sit broken hearted, came to fly home but havent departed...ugh. Travel woes continue...
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UPDATE:

I was able to hop a flight to LaGuardia on a shuttle with a connection to West Palm. From there, Delta would shuttle me to FLL so I could get my car and drive home to the Grove. Right now, Ive been sitting at the airport waiting for a flight that was supposed to leave at 820p. Its now 855p and we're waiting for the plane to pull up to the gate... This is the worst flying experience Ive ever had and I fly about twice a week. Total bullshit.
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UPDATE #2

Got to PBI last night at about 1250a, 1.5hrs late. By the time I got a shuttle to FLL, got my car, and drove to my place in the Grove, it was 3am. Im a zombie at work today. Only sorta funny thing about the trip was the cute Italian girl sitting next to me falling asleep on my shoulder while I was asleep. She was married, of course...

The Trip from Hell...

OK, so Ive been traveling a ton and the whole blog thing sorta lost its appeal. Im sure the 2 people that read it slowly cried themselves to sleep... Well, I had to post this story since it was absolutely ridiculous. Absolute nightmare of a road trip from Miami to Tulsa to Dallas to Houston and back to Miami.

So, I left Sunday for tropical Tulsa, OK with a connection in Dallas. Flying on the weekends for work kinda sucks, but Ive been getting so annihilated from going out so much that it was nice to have to "tone it down" on a Sunday. I get to Dallas and board the Tulsa flight. Should be an easy hour trip but the pilots decided to show up 90mins late in Dallas...go figure. Got to the hotel at just after midnight after taking a cab where the cab driver started screaming at someone in Arabic. I think he was pissed at the dispatch because he kept screaming, "Gligamesh ish beck naka gilgamesh leeba tatkainalsdhliajsdf dispatch gilgamesh suresh asdjfasjdhglasdjrfasd dispatch gilgamesh suresh dispatch hasldkfalsghalsdjl alsidfjla sidfliuf aisjdf l; dispatch!!!!" over and over again.

The next day, I visited some accounts, wrote some good biz, and got done early. Had a 640p flight to Dallas but got to the airport at 2p so tried to fly standby on the 440p flight. Well, the 440p flight gets cancelled ("mechanical failures") and the 640p gets delayed 45mins (no fuckin reason)... At least the bar was right next to my gate and I met a cute chick who was more of a sports fan than most guys I know. At first, I thought she was just quoting crap she read on espn.com that morning, but this chick was legit. We spent about 2hrs throwing back a few brew-has, taking sports, and making fun of the dork next to us with the bluetooth earpiece - awesome times! I still dont get why people wear those stupid things in public. Anyways, I finally board the plane and get to Dallas at 845p only to find out that they left my bags in Tulsa. Reason for this - "TSA didnt have enough time to get my bags on the plane". Thats right, 5hrs early and they didnt have time... I mustve said, "Fuck" about 100 times to the poor baggage lady because she kept giving me the "not enough time" excuse. I was doing my best to hold back rage but it slipped out a little when I ranted, "Lady, gimme another excuse please. Even lie if you have to! Tell me they thought y bags were radioactive, that they were WMDs, that they thought my electric razor was a grenade, but dont tell me they didnt have enough time when I was there 5 fucking hours early!" Went out for a good bite to eat and a much needed whiskey before heading to the hotel for some shuteye. Captain Fantastic at American Airlines said that I would have my bags delivered by 10am so at least that wasnt so bad...

Its 9am and I call the "lost baggage hotline" to get the status on my baggage. The computer attendant tells me that they arrived in Dallas at 8am and "will be delivered to me within the next 6 hours." Gee, 8am + 6hrs = 2pm last time I checked. I knew that lady was full of shit when she said 10am... Well, bags showed up around 1145am and I headed out to a crappy meeting then broke for lunch before heading to the reps office to train a new guy. From there we hit up another customer for a meeting that sucked because we didnt write business right then and there, but the customer was a really cool guy and we chatted for awhile about Miami, Superbowl, Vegas, gambling, etc (all the important stuff) and got to know each other better so at least that was good.

Then it was time to fly to Houston. My flight was supposed to leave at 830p out of DFW but it was raining like hell so it was delayed to 930p. I was afraid it would be cancelled so i cancelled the flight and called Southwest cuz they had flights at the other Dallas airport (Love Field - which was closer). The lady on the line for Southwest said they had "plenty of availability" on about 9 flights that left every 1/2 hr and that there were no delays longer than 15mins because of the rain. She said it shouldnt be a problem getting on the 6. 630, or 7p flight. When we left, it was POURING out. It was so bad that we were driving down a hill and there was 3+ inches of water on the road in the MIDDLE of the hill, not at the bottom. "This cant be good" I think to myself. I get to the airport and they can only get me on the 830p. Its 545p... I ask why and they tell me the airport has been shut down for the past 2hrs due to weather...go figure. I guess captain McSmartypants left that out of her "you should have no problem" report 15 minutes earlier.

The airport is a total madhouse, people EVERYWHERE. The line for Chili's was at least 50 deep and there were no chances I was gonna spring for McD's or some other shit food. At least they had the most awesome thing Ive ever seen at an airport - BEER CARTS! Thats right, people walking all over the airport throwing down beers like nothing. It was like being at a Pats game! I slammed down a few Heinekens and then realized I would need to wait about 3 more hours before my flight had a chance to leave so I hit up Chili's and made it thru the line relatively quickly, no thanks to the douchebag lady that told me there were single seats that you didnt have to wait in line for - I got out of line only to be sent back... Two double whiskeys and some boneless buffalo wings later, Im ready to check on my flight since the board says we should be boarding in 30 minutes. Guess again... The Dallas-Houston terminal at Southwest is a total free-for-all. Flights from 4pm thru 8pm are taking off at different times from 2 different gates and mass confusion has ensued. One guy next to me just had a total meltdown and started flipping out and swearing like crazy while me and another girl watched and laughed. Its always easy to make friends when youre experiencing travel woes because everyone is completely helpless. Finally, after 4hrs of waiting, I get placed on the 930p flight and when I ask if my bags will be on my flight I get a "maybe, maybe not" answer. "When the weather gets like this, we just start shipping bags on whatever flight we can just to get them there", the attendant tells me. Oh, that makes a lot of sense...

I land and check the baggage carousel dont see my bags but then the girl who I had talked with earlier directed me to a big pile of bags and sure enough, mine were there! First piece of good luck! Now its pouring outside but luckily the hotel shuttles are under cover and the shuttle driver is reasonably sane. Got to the hotel at 1130p that night, 3hrs later than expected...

Its now Wednesday morning and Im really looking forward to geting out, seeing customers, and getting the fuck outta Houston and back to Miami. At around 7am, I get a text from my rep who was supposed to pick me up to go visit 4 accounts. He is 3.5hrs away in Austin where he lives and cant leave because a bridge is under 3ft of water... Go figure. We scrap the day and I check to see if I can get an earlier flight than my 7pm scheduled filght since its 1145am. There is a 2pm flight and its a 35 minute drive once the shuttle gets here to pick me up. Im gonna go for it, so I shower, pack, and make plans to head to the airport. I talk with "Keisha" who tells me that "Leroy" will be there to get me around 1230p. Its gonna be close sportsfans. Im really depending on Leroy... Leroy shows up and is on good spirits. He grabs some free coffee at the hotel and we head out - love that move. If I was a shuttle/cab/bus driver, I would never pay for breakfast or coffee ever. "Time is of the essence " I say to Leroy as we head out. "Man we gon' be there in 30 minutes, youll make it, I'll get you there." Leroy is the man. He starts telling me how this airport ride is "all Leroy" because he does it on the side for some extra cash. In fact, Leroy has had enough of this job and is trying to get a few bucks to help him out on his bus trip to Atlanta tonite. He is quitting the job after making a few "cash runs" and is leaving to start up at his old job in Atlanta later on that night. His current employer has no idea - awesome. Im loving Leroy time right now especially, because he's flooring it and basically pushing cars out of our way by honking and flashing high beams. "As you can see, Ive got a little bit of road rage in me...", he says with a laugh. Then he launches into a story about how his girl is a no-good drunk on drugs and that she "aint gon' see him no mo'" after waking him up in the middle of the night to ask for a smoke and then getting pissed because he didnt have any. "I felt like chokin her out but I kept my hands to myself. I dont need that shit. Instead, I went out on the porch and to' up all her underwears and shit and then I left. She wont see me no mo'!", he tells me. Leroy is single-handedly turning this trip around for me at this point. After a little silence, Leroy gets deep and asks, "If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?" Pretty broad question, but I say that I wish that everyone would just get along. That earns me a high-5 from my man Leroy who agrees and goes on a rant about how between sex, race, religion, etc., there's too much fighting and hating goin on these days.

We're finally at the airport and I wish Leroy luck in Atlanta and give him a nice tip. I really hope things work out for him cuz he was a nice guy that seems like he actually gives a shit about contributing to society and making a living, which is more than I can say for about 50% of the people who live in Miami. I hustle up to the AA counter and ask if I can make the 2pm flight and Im in! I catch a break and get an exit row aisle seat too! Talking to my boss, I say "I finally caught a break, go ton the early flight, got an exit row aisle, AND we're about to leave". Im feelin good now - its almost over. We board the plane...

...and end up sitting in the plane on the runway for 2 HOURS waiting for weather to pass so we can fly...UNREAL. Didnt help that the pilot let about 7 Continental flights sneak in front of us. Got home at 7p and couldnt have been happier. I helped an old lady grab her bags and then mine were then the 5th and 7th bags to come out - thanks karma. What a trip. There were points where I couldve had a total meltdown but I kept laughing because it was quite comical how everything that could go wrong, did. Ive really come full circle. Years ago, Id have been the guy at the airport flipping out. Now, I could almost care less. Im in airports so much these days that I almost enjoy them. Now Ive got a nice 2 solid weeks in Miami before my next trip so I'll have time to get caught up on housework and catch up with friends. Then its off to Newark, NJ where I will probably be stranded in a blizzard...